One has to want it
RICHARD: The key to being free, then, is not altruism per se but wanting, with all of one’s being, to bring to an end, once and for all, the inherent suffering which epitomises human nature. Vis.:
• [Richard]: ‘… one has to want it like one has never wanted anything else before … so much so that all the instinctual passionate energy of desire, normally frittered away on petty desires, is fuelling and impelling/ propelling one into this thing and this thing only (‘impelling’ as in a pulling from the front and ‘propelling’ as in being pushed from behind). There is a ‘must’ to it (one must do it/ it must happen) and a ‘will’ to it (one will do it/ it will happen) and one is both driven and drawn until there is an inevitability that sets in. Now it is unstoppable and all the above ceases of its own accord … one is unable to distinguish between ‘me’ doing it and it happening to ‘me’. One has escaped one’s fate and achieved one’s destiny’. [endquote].
RICHARD: I do not mean wanting it as in wishful thinking: when I say one has to want it like one has never wanted anything else before I mean it just like that … like nothing else one has ever wanted before.
Richard had said that I needed to want it like nothing before. I pondered on what I had wanted before and recalled a simple childhood memory of being excited about going to the swimming pool when I was about 10 years old. There was this completely sincere and thrilling ‘jumping out of my skin’ desire to get in the pool. I was beginning to feel a similarly sincere thirst for oblivion. http://www.actualfreedom.com.au/becomingfreereports/sydneyreport.htm