Being your own best friend
Instead of being against yourself (see 1), consider being your own best friend. You can discover things about yourself. You work with yourself, instead of in opposition. And it is great fun too! Life becomes a stream of opportunities to advantage of.
Split Personality trick
One trick to be your best your friend is to assume a split personality (inasmuch as that naturally happens); you and another you. You both talk with each other like two friends do. It is like short-circuiting the instinctual need for belonging in a clever way. A trick to give yourself permission to be autonomous right away.
For example, whenever an objection to an ongoing feeling good arises, I consult my friend (alt-srid) for advice. We enter into a friendly conversation, and it takes the weight off the whole conflict.
Remember that feeling of sulking as young boy (or girl) after having window shopped and your parent just refused to buy you that toy? As adult, a lot of our feelings are fundamentally the same! An actualism friend (alt-srid) helps you see it quite simply.
It is the friend that reminds you to stay on feeling-good track, and reminds you what the priority is - each time an objection derails you and tempts you to go along the derailed track. You pull yourself back on track, which is the same as ‘channelling’ the desire towards actualism.
My “friend” springs into action only when needed; then I’m back to enjoying my own company. Being your own best friend finally gives you permission to enjoy your own company.2
All of this sounds kind of silly, isn’t it? There is nothing “adult” about it. No sophisticated self-help approach or ‘mature’ living or whatever … just … enjoying …. life … like a ‘big kid’.
RICHARD: […] only you live with yourself for the twenty four hours of the day. Everybody else comes and goes, but you remain, ever constant … for the rest of your life. I can not stress enough how important it is for you to be your own best friend. For then you get to know yourself – you are no longer against yourself. You can discover things about your own make-up: ‘Oh, isn’t that interesting’ or ‘I like that one’ or ‘I didn’t know I was carrying that’ or ‘I’m glad that one is out of the way’. Sometimes, of course, something can come back, three days, three weeks or three months later: ‘Goodness me, I thought I had eliminated that one’. See how vital it is that you are your own best ‘buddy’? You say: ‘Well, I thought I had dealt with that but never mind, I have another moment here, another chance’. This way you work with yourself, instead of in opposition. It is very important.
And it is such good fun! Then, everything you do in your daily life, moment to moment, is taking advantage of multiple opportunities. Every moment again is an occasion to improve your lot … when you are interacting with someone, either face to face or on the telephone … or a back-ache: ‘Oh god, how terrible!’ … another opportunity. It is bad enough to feel pain, why make it worse by adding an emotional suffering like ‘I feel terrible’? To feel terrible, emotionally, on top of the physical pain is simply silly when it is possible to disentagle oneself, emotionally, and still feel good about being alive, about being here. This is being sensible, is it not? To feel good, if not happy, all the time?
VINEETO: […] Being virtually free from the emotional need to relate to others means that I enjoy my own company and the company of my companion and I ceased to be driven to go out of my way in order to socialize with other similarly driven beings. I do, however, enjoy social contact as it happens and when it happens because I now interact with the actual person as he or she is, whereas socializing used to largely consist of commiseration, manipulation, allegiance, on-guard-ness and presenting my favourite ‘self’-image. I was trying to impose ‘my’ needs, expectations, hopes and opinions as well as my ‘self’-image on the other, and therefore my perception of the other was strictly limited in what way he or she fitted into ‘my’ myopic ‘self’-centred scheme. Now that this scheme, and its associated scheming, has pretty much disintegrated and thus makes me autonomous for the first time in my life, I am able to appreciate anyone I meet as what they are – fellow human beings.