Don’t watch the evolution of feelings
When practicing the actualism method, there may be an erroneous tendency to get hung up on the narrative of a feeling. The phrase “watching the evolution of feelings” describes this phenomenon.
The phrase was originally used by No 33 in AFT:
RESPONDENT No 33: If you do not find the root cause/trigger of what has caused the loss of felicitous feeling, then the method has not been given its full chance.
I had this experience yesterday: I suddenly found myself amidst deep sorrow which I had described before. it was growing taking various shapes, calling all those instances that I had erred, guilt ridden, feeling other person’s sorrow, blaming how cold I had been to ‘No 60’ in my mails, fearing an attack from ‘No 60’ and ‘No 53’ etc. I was once again in the midst of some seemingly unresolvable situation.
Then I said, no matter what I am going to exactly practise actualism method. I am going to recollect the last moment I felt good, and trace the trigger. I couldn’t do it. amazing amount of resistance. I hated the method. I didn’t want to go ahead. I wanted to watch the growing sorrow instead. But I said, I have to do it. No other choice. It took me 10 minutes or so and finally I was convinced that I had to find out the trigger.
And the trigger I found. I wasn’t convinced … it was a lot of trial and error search … but I found it all right. I couldn’t have found it from watching the evolution of the feelings … it was totally different. It was a total surprise. Then I finally understood actualism method. You keep finding the triggers to feeling bad and replace them with sense and disable them … you do it with common sense by feeling good as soon as possible. As long as you do not do this, you will be triggered again and again and again and you will experience the same old in different forms due to the same reasons.
So, actualism method does exactly what is required: not more, not less.
I am more and more surprised that in spite of my participation and claiming various things all along, I hadn’t put the method into practise 100%. I talk more, contradict myself a lot. But I am glad that things are dropping.